This weekend was spent at beautiful Mansfield in Victoria where I watched my partner, Tony Sutcliffe of Peaceful Encounters work his magic. Organised by Suzy Rideout from Wings of Life, the day was spent sitting in circle as Tony told stories of how he came to be a healer and how he sees the spiritual world and our role in being our own healers.
What fascinated me was how many of the participants were sure that they had dealt with their 'stuff'. That they had let go of the past emotional pains and had moved forward. Yet physically, there was a common theme of hunching.
As each person stood to receiving a healing, their backs were rounded and their shoulders hunched. It appears that not only do women hold on to their own pain, but they shoulder the burden of so many others'.
Deep in their heart centre was raw raw pain. Some allowed some healing to take place, and in doing so, their posture changed. They stood more erect and the shoulders relaxed. The nurturing of the emotional pain in the heart centre was released.
Others pulled out their best Golem and held onto their pain. Not yet ready to let it go. Not yet sure of who they would be without it. Don't get me wrong, undoubtably each and every one of them would have liked to have walked away from the day having let everything go, but healing is a process and sometimes things take time.
Be kind to yourself. But do the work. Note where your emotional pain sits in your body. Make yourself familiar with how it serves you. Then give yourself permission to let it go.
As women, our role of nurturer often gets confused with the need to hold on to the pain of others. To try and be everything for everyone. To try and 'fix' those who are broken. The best way a woman can help anyone else is to help herself. When she grows in strength and wisdom, she is a shining beacon for others to do the same. When you nurture your pain, when you hold on, you stop yourself from growing. And in doing so, you also stop others from experiencing their own growth.
Just like a mother no longer ties the shoes for their adult child, holding onto someone else's pain, or trying to 'fix' everything so that other's don't need to experience pain, serves no one. Lest of all yourself.