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5 Reasons You Won't Ask for Help

Updated: Mar 2, 2020

1. I’m the only one.

You may think that you are the only one going through what you are going through, and that is so far from the truth.

It’s so isolating and lonely to feel that no one would understand, or that your problem is small compared to other people’s issues…but that’s not true either because it’s big to you.

Everyone has something going on at some time and the key is to recognise this and to know that you don’t need to go it alone.

2. I don’t want to be a nuisance.

Most people don’t want to bother others because they feel that they are putting people out, or that other people are too busy…. but you will find after a big event people will always say, “why didn’t you say something…. or I would have helped out in a heartbeat”. So, it is only you convincing yourself that you should just shoulder the problem.

And doesn’t that in itself feel isolating?

3. I really don’t know what issue I’m actually having.

So how do you know if you have a problem? Because often it’s not until after you’ve put down the burden that you realise how heavy it was, how long you’ve been carrying it and how restrictive it was

You have a burden if you feel:

- weighted down,

- if you feel stuck,

- if you feel you can’t move forward,

- if you feel that something isn’t quite right but you can’t put your finger on it,

- if you don’t feel like you or can’t be yourself or

- if you feel constant stress or strain.

4. I don’t know what to do about it.

Your job is to recognise that something is out of balance.

It’s my job to help you work out what that is and then help you move through it and then beyond it to a life a peace and balance.

And let me tell you, once you’ve hit that point…..and you WILL know it when you do….you will never go back to the old version of you….and you’ll be so glad for the shift.

5. I'm embarrassed about my problem.

Sometimes when you recognise that there is something not right, old issues of shame or guilt may stop you from taking that next step.

Know that this is perfectly normal…. because as a society we uphold the strong and confident and so it is natural to feel negatively about the fact that you haven’t ‘got it all together.’

The bottom line is, NO ONE has it all together…. especially those with ‘perfect’ lives you see on social media…. they are just very good at pretending. There is a huge difference between acting confident and being confident and the latter is so much more fun and takes up way less energy.

So, you might sit with it before making a decision.

Trust yourself.

When you ask people’s opinions…and if you ask a lot of people’s opinions…. you will get a lot of different options. And that can be confusing. And then you might feel obliged to go with one suggestion over what you feel is right because you don’t want to let anyone down.

This isn’t about them though, it’s about you, so allow yourself to listen and trust your intuition.

Act on it.

Once the decision is made to address your issue, the key is to act on it in that moment…. or you will talk yourself out of it. You will convince yourself that your problem is small, you don’t have time, you’re just being silly, you don’t have the money, you will manage on your own.

All of those can be true but reality is, that when you work with someone you will always get bigger, better and faster results than going alone.

Let your intuition guide you to what and whom you need to see to resolve your issue. And make an appointment.

We are social creatures by nature and even though you may isolate yourself with your problem, the solution is in reaching out to release it.

So please, be kind to you and reach out.

Fiona van Lochem is a great problem solver. She has many tools in her tool kit to help you move forward. Find out more by visiting her website

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